Dating Apps are for Fun until it’s no longer Fun!

Many report that dating apps are not working. Some report that there is an excitement to see how many liked their profiles but the excitement soon faded away because there was not much after saying “hello” or superficial chats with numerous individuals that they were never able to get to know well. Shocking huh?!

Some complained that even in apps that claimed to mainly focus on people that had intent to engage in a serious relationships holding same standards, beliefs, religion and culture turn out to be places again for people to meet up to hook up or for some other motives but not to build a relationship. There were some interesting differences on shared experiences among men and women when engaging in dating apps.

Men reported that they started to feel lost, hopeless and that even though it was fun to engage in casual dating and sex, they were not getting their emotional needs met. 40 year old man Divorced said “This type of fun is becoming old and I don’t think I can meet the needs of a nice woman anymore because she will probably not want me after finding out how I have been treating women after an ugly divorce”. Probably true. A nice lady will check your dating history, but you can start working on healing and creating a new perspective on relationships. Another guy in his mid 20s said “ I don’t think I’ll ever be able to Love.’ They are so easy that there is nothing for me to look forward to and I don’t have the strength to say No for an opportunity to get laid.” His honesty is appreciated and helpful to pay attention to.

Most women reported that men did not come forward clear about their intentions. One very successful woman in her mid 30s said “ apps are for me to have fun with a guy that I enjoy the looks and for one night stand. They are not a partner material when they are in apps swiping on women after women for them to get as many to like them”.  A 22 year old woman said “ dating apps is for us to have fun with them and then ghost them. There is no way you are gonna want to be their girlfriend. First fight they will get back on swiping”. 

Notice that men and women contradict themselves when their heart wants something but their behavior does not coincide with their wants and needs.  In others words, dating apps are a great tool for hookups, shallow ways of boosting self esteem causing individuals to become addicted to the constant attention, development of anxiety when there is a lack of the virtual interaction and immediate gratification. It seems that dating apps are unsupportive tools for individuals to build skills of trust and loyalty, and ability to focus on one potential partner to create an opportunity to build a lasting relationship .

Yes, there are exceptions. There are happily married couples and several couples that are in long term relationships that have met online. Dating apps can be a tool to meet a special someone if you have discipline.

The exception couples had two common denominators. They were disciplined in their strategies on catching and keeping ones attention and they knew exactly what they were looking for.

So if you still want to take a chance on dating apps and perhaps be one of the exceptions that found love virtually and steer away from casual dating and hookups on apps,

Here are 5 tips-

1- Set a week of one dating app membership.

2- Focus max on 3 that you will engage in long chats and will take them off of the app.

3- Go out on dates, have fun engaging in the activities that both enjoy, practice a sport or work out together.

4-In 4 weeks you can narrow down to one of the dates, that you feel most comfortable and find more things in common.

5- Within 3 months decide if the relationship will be exclusive or move on.

* If you don’t like the culture of dating in these days then don’t engage in it. Change and be the Change. Remember this - Be true to yourself and maintain your standards. It is easy to put them aside when you like someone but if in order for you to be with someone you need to lower your standards and your core values, this person might not have the potential to build a realtionship with you; not worth your time and efforts.

Dating still more Fun in Person!!